Office building in the middle of a unit that is separated from the other units by a 5 foot wall.... at the end of the unit sits a goddess... or the antithesis of that, a demonness? Her weave is done up "nicely" shes an older lady, the kind that looks 60 but is probably 40. She's sitting at her desk that faces all others in the unit and therefore seems to project the loudest (or that could just be the voice behind it). We call her... "YourSecretary." Who she actually belongs to, we may never known. She is on her cell phone, because of course the supervisor isn't there... no need to pretend to be working by talking to your friend on the work phone. There is no telling what is being said on the other end, all you hear is:
"Rasp Rasp Rasp. Rasp, Rasp Rasp Rasp Rasp. Girrrrrrl, you know"
(pause)
[Raspy cough][Hacks up a lung and all the mucus known to man][Raspy Cough]
(pause)
"No girrrl. I aint got no cold. Nooo my throat just itches"
[Raspy throat clearing]
"No, its not a cold. My throat just itches sometimes, girl, you know.
(pause)
[clearly cutting them off]"Well you know my daughter she makes all kinds of noises. But, girl, I can't do all that. So I just cough cuz it itches."
[Raspy throat clear] [Raspy cough][More awesome mucus]
"Raspity Rasp Rasp Rasp"
So, I know my literary interpretation may not do it justice but hopefully there will be literal representations soon.
and on that note I want to show you something, and you tell me what you think could have happened. See below (my apologies for the green dot, thats just a dirty lens)
So... what would you venture that is. It is far away so it might be difficult to tell.
Ok I'll tell you. 1st, the room that this picture takes place in is the copy room; so a room with a copier, shredder, and lots of paper. Ok, now, the original shape this paper product takes could be compared to a "u" or an "o"... now if you can just imagine in your head something that has that shape that's made out of paper. Next thing you need to know is that directly across the hall (2-3 steps away) is the women's bathroom. Lastly, this involves YourSecretary so you know, anything goes!!! Ok, so let's retrace the steps of said person. Bathroom to a supervisor's office, to the copy room to her desk. So, if you haven't guess by now, thats right, it's the paper seat cover from the bathroom.... on the floor.... that was witness by a reliable source as being seen tucked into the pants of YourSecretary.
So, I sympathize whole heartedly with YourSecretary. Really, I do. As I sit here writing this, I feel like the biggest bitch in the world for sharing this. I have my insecurities, and I have a phobia of public humiliation. So, like I said, I sympathize. But then... then I remember back to hearing the word "faggot" repeated over and over while she was on the phone my 7th day on the job. I also remember her getting a call about a case that would be mine but not getting it for 2 hours and royally fucking me over. And I remember hearing "I'M A CLERK, NOT A SECRETARY" (or vice versa, i really don't remember). And all these memories combined with her killing of the ozone layer with her 2 pack a day habit and desire to empty entire aerosol cans of lysol to kill roaches. I remember those things and I don't quite feel so bad. AND to top it all off... she takes the shit out of her pants (metaphorical shit that is) and leaves it in the fucking copy room... THE COPY ROOM. She pushed it behind the door so maybe no one would see it, but if they did surely it was someone else. She couldn't walk the 3 steps across the hall to the bathroom where the damn thing came from. So at the end of the day, I only have a sliver of remorse and regret at posting this.
I don't know when this post became a bitchfest... but bitching is what I do best so, there you have it.
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