The YourSecretary Experience: Detailed Analysis

So.... I know this has become such an irregular thing. But, I've found inspiration to write a new blog. I would like to take this opportunity to analyze some of YourSecretary's work. Really dive in there and try to see what makes her tick, how she operates. For science, you know?

I kept trying to make this picture bigger... but it wouldn't get bigger. Hopefully it still has the full effect/affect (I will literally never understand the proper spelling and usage of those words). Let me explain to you what this is a picture of. In the mail room of the particular agency I work at, each box is for a particular unit. Above your unit's box is a list of the names of the people in your unit for distribution. As you guessed, YourSecretary is responsible for creating the list. The first thing to note, before even delving into the 6 points I've made in the picture, is the size of our paper. In comparison to the other lists, it's fairly large. It is in a plastic sleeve and all taped up. Its wondrous (thats how you spell that?).

Ok so here we go... diving into it!

1- The first thing I should note is the placement of names. Its seems as though the grouping of the names is separated into 3 groups, supervisor, clerical staff, and workers. So, understandably at the top of the list is the name of the unit and the unit supervisor. But, for some reason there is this space between the supervisor then the secretary's name. Then.... WAY down there below YourSecretary is the workers. I like this subconscious super blatant attempt to show the amount of importance she feels to the unit. She clearly believes that by talking on her cell phone and the office phone to her husband, mother, daughter, cousin, corner store owner, customer service rep.... that she is really contributing the most to our unit. Without her humming along to music with moans and groans, rasping it up, moving papers around to pretend to work, nothing would ever get done I'm sure.

2,3, & 4- Now these 3 kind of go hand in hand. 2= First Name; 3= Comma; 4= Last name. So... yeah. She organized our names with First, Last. This woman has a comma fetish I think. She never uses : or ; for anything. She is ALL about the commas. But, I think she fails to realize that when you put someone's name First then Last... you don't actually have to... scratch that you are not supposed to put a comma. This would suggest that my names is actually Pelz-Butler Erika. and my child would be named Mary Erika... what is that shit. Here is what I think happened. She had never done anything like use commas in names. Then she saw someone else do it and maybe due to her choice in elaborate names, thought that it was First, Last. Then she just started rolling with it.... I guess? I just don't understand how she can spend her day filing closed cases in which its Last, First... but then think that she can just go ahead and do it wrong. But, then again, Im thinking that she probably doesn't actually do filing so .... that might explain that. But you're a fucking secretary, and you make a big fucking deal about your job title and make such a loud fuss about making sure EVERYONE knows exactly how hard you work and how cool you are... so how on EARTH do you not understand the basic elementary principles like name order and fucking filing. Good lord. But, this is a woman who can't attach things to emails (thats an actual fact). So I cant expect much. I gotta say, this is a HUGE issue for me... probably too big.

5- I think YourSecretary reads my blog.... because this has just got to be spite. This motherfucker capitalized my second last name, but not my first. She probably heard me complain about how frustrating it is that people only call me Erika Butler... and thought, "Hey fuck you erika. I'll teach you to correct my grammar, punctuation, and go around doing my job because I dont show up or just spend all day smoking a cigarette." Its one thing to capitalize the P and not the B because it seems like all one last name. But, do not capitalize the P means that you deliberately didn't capitalize the FIRST LETTER IN MY LAST NAME!

6- This is a minor issue... especially considering the fact that she can't be trusted to do shit and understand basic principals. But, the order of the names is interesting. Its obviously not alphabetized because... that would be silly. But, it's a known fact that M.F. is YourSecretary's favorite worker by far. This is the girl she says goodbye to everyday really loud after passing everyone else and refusing to say a word. Then when she got laughed at she whispered goodbye..... very loud. Then there's W.B. who is the only gentleman in our unit, which means your girl LOVES him.

Well alright! Thanks for taking the time to help me sufficiently analyze this document. Its important for the overall understanding of how YourSecretary operates... and what I have to go through. I think I'm going to create a new, proper, list to replace it. I'm just worried about the wrath of YourSecretary. I know she'll know it was one of 3 people and then she'll start freaking out and spreading her raspy cigarette disgustingness all over everything, and I might catch a pack a day habit. We don't want that.

Pet Peeve of the Day - Commas.

Now Playing - I know I posted this on facebook but I wanted to share the musical stylings of YourSecretary with you guys. To preface this, this is what YourSecretary sounds like when she is humming along to music she is listening to on her computer. Also, do to the covert nature of the recording, it's fairly quiet so you need to turn your volume ALL the way up and if possible use headphones. Love, Erika.