The YourSecretary Experience: Showing Restraint

So, yes.... it has been like......................... 2 months since I posted. Mainly because Im lame, and partially because Im lazy. But, I wrote down all these YourSecretary series ideas and did nothing with them. But this particular one, "showing restraint" is one Ive been working on for quite some time. As you probably know, I have a twitter and a facebook, and I frequently update my status at work to express my frustration. But, I realized that I was posting far too often so I started writing them as notes on my phone. I emailed them to myself like 5 days ago and am just getting around to posting it. I also want to try to post some of my facebook statuses just... to include all my gems. Unfortunately I didn't date it, just timed it. So please enjoy the following as an insight into my daily experience with YourSecretary. Some you've seen perhaps, some seem to be new. First, some statuses of mine that I actually posted....

Don't worry y'all she just announced loudly on the phone that she never wanted to be a social worker. I will not continue this thought as it is extremely mean and cold hearted.

Hold music for metro access or your cell phone company or k mart or whatever the fuck company you're calling isn't meant for in the office speaker phone

(5 minutes later)

Ooooo turning it up when your supervisor leaves? Well played. Today is a pissy Erika day, I can't be held accountable.

Ewwwwww you're having a conversation on the phone with someone and every 3 words you pause to blow your nose just a little bit.

There is no way to get this noise I'm plagued with recorded.... DAMNIT!!! How will anyone else know my pain?

If you could just hear the mumbling that comes out of my mouth allll day.

If I could guess without looking (because you never look directly into medusa's eyes) she's eating canned peaches because the slurping is SO LOUD. But, more than likely it's toast.

Did THIS bitch just call someone illiterate!?!?! Bahahaha I think she meant ignorant. Mass posting is a symptom of being here alone, sorry

Ok so.... those are just a sample... I could go on FOREVER... but I will now attach all those that I didn't post. For that newness factor. So keep in mind, this is all stuff I DIDNT post for fear of overwhelming people... I copied and pasted directly from what I wrote in my phone:

9:32 - how convenient you came in from smoking your 1 (20 minute) cigarette as soon as the other bureau chief (who had been using our workspace) left.

10:20 - Shut. The Fuck. Up. You were not busting your ass to do anything, because had you actually ever done work it would have been a calm process. Also, you made your mother loving point! Stop repeating and repeating and finding new ways of saying the same damn thing.

2:30- you just called your figure "such a good one" ... Come on.

3:20- I wish people would stop encouraging her to talk about how she doesn't do work when she has headphone.

3:50- "don't tell me what I gotta do. I just gotta stay black pay taxes and die... Not what I must do and am required to do, that's another story" I heard that same sentence 3 times in 2 minutes.

4:00pm- I'm pretty sure there is only one song on her computer that shes playing over and over.

10:00- I asked her what's wrong, I asked what's wrong. Then she told me. ... Get up off your lazy ass and watch the news.

8:30-"let me explain something to you: When you pray, when you pray, when you pray... Prayer works."

8:17- Bahahahaha based on the noise I hear when she walks by, I'd say she is probably wearing snow pants!

9:35- hahaha with your rasp it's impossible for you to whisper without me knowing.

1:26- that chicken is too much!?!? Your fucking face is too damn much.

1:27 - bitch you start and stop diets like I drive on the beltway.... At least twice a fucking day.

SO there you have it... Life at work is exceptionally fun. I spend half of my energy trying to keep sane in the face of ignorance, incompetence, and.... loudness. Hope this has been a joyful experience for you, seeing as how I havent posted in months.

Pet Peeve of the Day - Tasty Foods.... why do the tastiest foods out there make me stay fat. I would eat healthy if it tasted good. I understand this is cliche, but it is SOO true. I don't crave mealy disgusting and tasteless food. I crave sugar and salt and deep fried goodness. Come on mother nature, hook a sister up with some awesome fat filled diet.

Now Playing - Now, I know I posted this video on my facebook. So, here I'll just post the name of the song. "Mama Knows Best" by Jessie J.... love it!