Things I just don't understand.

So, I am totally not posting as much as I'd like. But, I also am lazy and exhausted a lot of the time. I have a YourSecretary Experience in mind. However, I feel like it borders on bullying, and we wouldn't want that. Is posting a voice recording I managed to snag from her taking it a step too far? I'm also worried that my written interpretations may be devalued and it can be disappointing when you meet the legend (or hear it) for the first time. I continue to weigh these decisions and maybe one day. But, inside the cold dark hole in my chest there is a sliver of a heart.

At any rate, here are some things I just don't understand that maybe you can help me out with?

1- The following commercial:

So, when you think of commercials for baby products, they have to be catered towards parents, no? I mean... the babies can't tell their parents they want the diapers. Well, I guess certain ones can but... still. I kind of feel like Luvs is trying to make me feel stupid? Also, what a m-fing disgusting theme for a commercial. Its just all such nonesense. I just don't get it.

That being said I watch it whenever it's on tv and I kind of get it.

2- Gentrification:

Now, don't get me wrong... I know what gentrification IS. However, I just dont get how it happens; how it gets started. Who is that first gay white man to move into the hood and bring all the other hippies/hipsters with them? What balls it must take to be the first one. If I were to be a gentrifier, I would have to come in WAY late in the game. I want to be clear also, I don't know that I'm okay with gentrification. Its a nice idea to revitalize neighborhoods and all that. But, wouldn't you want to empower the impoverished communities and let them enjoy the revitalization. I'll just stick to living with my parents until I die a single cat lady.

3-

I'll give you $5 if you can tell me who that is.

I don't get it. Why lil kim... WHY. I guess I never really liked you, and that face pushes me over to team Nicki for sure. I just miss the Kim we all knew and... knew. Im scared... for you.... I guess and OF you. Work on that.

Now Playing: ET - Katy Perry (shoot me now I like a katy perry song).

Pet Peeve of the Day: My OTHER coworker's ignorance.

This particular coworker is in another unit separated by a pretend wall thats like 4.5 feet high. In the course of like.... an hour, I heard just a whole bunch of ignorance babbled. First she asked why the earthquake in Japan and subsequent tsunami cause the stock market to fall. significantly. She hadn't the slightest idea. She racked her brain while I desperately held my tongue. She decided then that... it's corruption. This b blamed it... and every problem wrong with everything ever on corruption. She couldn't understand why unrest in libya and egypt caused gas to go up, on no wait she could, it was that gosh darn corruption.

This wonderful person then went on to ask why Japan was so devastated by the earthquake and tsunami... because they should have seen it coming. She couldn't understand why it was so devastating. Well lady, tsunami formed as a result of the earthquake that was not predictable. Didn't you know about that "earthquake" we had a while back? Oh you didnt, why not?

Then she told me it was a sign of 2012 coming and the world is ending... in as serious a voice as she could.

Thats when I decided to put on my ipod.

The YourSecretary Experience: Gift Horse

So, let’s set the scene (cue Law & Order voiceover guy). Friday February 25, 2011. The sky outside is ominous, as if it knows what’s going to happen. The rain is falling down against the nearly floor to ceiling window behind her desk. Sitting daintily YourSecretary is on her work phone with her business voice on. Its 8:15am and The Pelz walks in….

I know you liked that, I should write for the moving picture shows! I got to work at 8:15 and I am greeted with a phone conversation at the end of our unit. From what I gathered, YourSecretary was on the phone with the Metro Access driver complaining about her FREE ride to work. Now, Metro Access is a transportation service for people who have some sort of disability that prevents them from driving or taking the bus. For the life of us, my coworkers and I can’t figure out what it’s for. At any rate, she gets a ride to work every morning. Now, I only got to hear her end of the conversation, as she was on the phone. But, here’s what I got to enjoy…. All alone in the unit….

First, I called at 645, you didn’t get there until 730! Okay.

[Rasp]First, I had bags in my hand and he just [Rasp] [Rasp] watched my carry those bags [Rasp]….. in the rain I just carried my bags!

I got in the car [Rasp] I got in the car [Rasp] and he didn’t ask to help with my belt. [Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp] he didn’t even ask! He didn’t ask if I needed help, he didn’t look back to check if I had it on. [Rasp] He just let me go the whole ride without my seat belt on [Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp] you know, you know.

Yeah [Rasp] and when we pulled he went past the stairs, you know. [Rasp] [Rasp]He went past those stairs, you know? I asked him to back up. Girl, you know what he said! [Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp] [Cough] [Cough] [Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp] [Cough] [Cough] [Rasp] [Rasp]He said, ‘I don’t care about you people’ that’s right heh- [Rasp]-heh- [Rasp]-heh. He said, he don’t care about us people. I said to the man, I said, you know, ‘you may not care about us [Rasp]but we don’t care about you either!’ [Rasp] [Rasp]

Right, yeah, you know. Then he just took off. He just [Rasp] took off like a bat outta hell. heh- [Rasp]-heh- [Rasp]-heh. That’s right, that’s right.

[Rasp] [Rasp] [Cough] [Rasp] [Rasp]

[Rasp] [Rasp] [Rasp][Cough]

Uhhh, I don’t know what his name was. I don’t know. But, he was African. [Cough] [Cough] [Rasp] You know those Africans. You know how they are, those Africans. He[Cough] [Cough][Rasp] [Cough] [Cough] He was driving one of those black cars, a car not a bus thing, you know. Yeah girl, with Metro Access sticker.

You know what he said to me, he said [Cough][Rasp] [Cough] [Rasp] [Rasp] he said that he can’t stand us people. I [Rasp]told him, we don’t like him either.

The end!

But, just in case, she also told a coworker that the weathermen don’t know anything because they’re not Jesus. Then she actually said “girl, you better recognize”

So in summation: She was especially raspy this day, must've smoked a little more than her usual pack before work. She works out 5 days a week for 3 hours every time. Yet, she can’t carry 3 grocery bags and buckle her seatbelt. One day on the way to work, I saw her walking down a street a mile or more away so that she could buy her breakfast. Yet, she can't drive or take the bus to work? I think that may be a little false. That’s cool though, more power to her. Side note, what are Africans like, YourSecretary? Please enlighten me, or maybe I should tell one of the many Africans that work with us and see what they think about that statement?

I just wish she wouldn't take this FREE SERVICE that she probably doesn't need, and take advantage of it; take services away from possible deserving members of the community. I wish she wouldn't look this gift horse in the mouth. Pretty soon it's going to bit her in her ass.

Now Playing: Zef Side - Die Antwoord

Fucking love this shit. Wanna thank my old roommate Dick for introducing me to them last year (way behind everyone else but whatever). I just read an interview with them in some magazine and they were so amazingly arrogant. They're fucking ridiculous, south african rappers? you should see the video for "Enter the Ninja" SO TRIPPY. My 2 favorite parts: When Ninja says "PC Computer" and when they zoom in on his wang. Priceless.

Pet Peeve of the Day: Podcasts and Apps that are over 20 mb.

I constantly find myself trying to download the latest episode of a podcast or some super cool free game to occupy my boredom time. I usually find that I do this whilst at work because, thats better than working (that being said, I still do an exorbitant amount of work in comparison to some). But, since I do it at work, I'm not connected to any kind of WiFi. This in turn means that I can't download anything over 20mb. It BLOWS... so super annoying. I forget when I get home to download it, then the next day at work I try to use it and forget. God it rives me crazy.